That’s what I’ve been telling myself for the year of 2016.
In February I applied for a new life insurance policy and got turned down, my blood sugar and cholesterol were off the charts!
At the same time I was finding a lot of emotions that I had buried deed, in hopes I’ve gotten rid of them.
It didn’t work! They didn’t go away, instead they festered and multiplied. So, my health was at risk and declining…something needed to get done. Got familiar with all my fears, dislikes, failures, darkness, doubts and everything that I had hidden from myself to keep on living.
You know the saying…”it either has to get bad enough for us to want to change or we must want it bad enough to change…” I was there. It was bad enough to require change and I wanted bad enough to go through the change.
A support system showed up out of thin air…I had 3 amazing women that were there and still are…they ask good questions, call me on the carpet and tell me to stop going around circles. Through my tears of hurt, anger, frustration, and fears, I worked through it.
I hit the bottom of the deepest pit I’ve ever been in all my 47 years. It was hell, I am not going to lie. I cried many nights, fear was there, face to face with me, frustration and disappointment in myself were so abundant…
There are good things That came out of this. I am allowing myself to love myself as I am where I am and how I am…every single day.
Here are the gems I walked away with.
- God knows me better than I know myself, and if I let Him help me, I will be a witness/participant in many miracles.
- Prayer is powerful, sustaining and if I quiet my mind long enough…it can be an amazing two way conversation.
- I am the only person that will take care of my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. There is no room for neglect.
- Life doesn’t have to be complicated, sad or lived in fear. It is meant to be lived with love, understanding and growth. It is to be lived with the utmost passion I have in my heart, each day is a miracle that will never again be repeated. Living it as such, Loving it as such, Being empowered by that knowledge.
- The past may have been hard, it no longer influences my choices in the present or future. I’ve learned from it, taken the lessons, moving forward and being better for it.
- Childhood emotions are STRONG! I’ve looked at them from every aspect,Thanked them for their service and gave them to God, they have no room in me, anywhere. I discarded the laws from growing up (the ones that I created/adopted and were no good any longer) that I’ve used for decades and let forgiveness reign. Amazing what it does to the heart.
- Nothing is personal, everything is individual. People will do and say what they will because of where they are at in their journey. It is not about me. I may feel hurt by it, even cry over it…yet, it is not about me. So, learning to let that go. This is challenging…making daily progress. I still cry, not as often, not as hard and not as long. So, going forward with it. It gets better.
- The only thing I can claim as mine is my agency to choose. Everything else, even my body is not mine. I cannot make it work, God does that every minute I am alive. For that I am very grateful. He is a God of choice. I may choose as I will, there will be consequences, and He is ALWAYS there. It is up to me what I think, do, feel, say or listen to. Choosing wisely is a good program, including God in all the choices, is way better.
- Fear serves no one, ever! Fear paralyzes the mind, quiets the heart and keeps us from becoming who God created us to be. Amazing individuals! GREATS!
- When things got really tough, God is the only one that truly understands me, be there for me 24/7 and carries me through it when my legs can’t support me standing anymore.
- Mortal angels show up when I need them, at the perfect time, with the perfect words and a hug to boot.
- Sometimes life takes a turn that you never thought it would, keeping God in it is the best thing I’ve done in those turns.
- Happiness and joy are an inside job. NO person can make you happy when you are miserable inside. When I figured that out, it showed up on the outside. Amazing!
- Knowing and allowing myself to be who I am, all the buried parts included is/has been the best thing I’ve done for myself so far.
- Emotions are weight holders. I’ve done every diet/cleanse and exercise program, until I worked on my mind and heart, my body did not change. After I addressed my emotions, weight dropped off quite fast. Interesting to see it and be a part of it. I knew this to be true, then I got to walk my talk. Amazing experience. Went on a fierce hunt in my heart and mind, found all the things I’ve hidden from myself for years…addressed them, let them go and now I am free! Was it easy? NO. Was it enjoyable? Knowing the result ahead, yes, I found joy in the process, God was in it with me.
- Facing myself in the mirror and saying, “I love you” to myself has been one of the best things I’ve learned to do. I did this in years past, but this year was a whole new level of love and it is so healing.
- God’s plans for me are greater than my wildest dreams. I am letting Him take charge of that journey, driving me there. I am enjoying every minute of it. Some turns and speeds petrify me, but I know I’ve got the best driver I can have in charge. Loving the ride, looking forward to the destination!
- I am alive today! Today is all I have. Living it in the best way I can. Never saving things for a special day…today is as special as it is going to get.
There is more.
I don’t like to read long posts, I like to do it in one sitting.
Stopping here today, I will write more.
Life is calming down and I can carve out some time to sit and put on the screen the things that have been in my mind and heart.
Transformation is amazing! Embracing it, loving it and living it…join me?
There is good in every day…everything…and everyone. Look for it and celebrate!